I recently joined the married club. Prior to saying “I do” I fantasized about and romanticized marriage. I believed that I would have a doting husband and in-laws that embraced me with open arms. I envisioned that my holidays would be spent alternately with his family and mine. My future children would be sent to their grandparents in the summer and they would be spoiled with much love and adoration.
Well, that’s definitely not the way our journey began. The honeymoon phase lasted approximately five days because:
- My husband obtained a teacher/coaching position at a local high school that required him to work six to seven days per week during football and track season
- Both of us felt we were losing our independence and had great difficulty merging finances
- We acquired a roommate within the first week of marriage
- We purchased a money pit prior to marriage that gradually needed major repairs: a new roof and fence due to a catastrophic event, a complete master bathroom remodel due to a slow leaking shower, new flooring upstairs, new appliances
- The ZINGER, nuclear family issues spiraled out of control, boundaries were crossed, and battle lines were drawn
Needless to say, after countless hours of therapy, co-pays rendered, bottles of Cabernet, Prosecco, Chardonnay, and Angry Orchard were consumed I came to the realization that the Secret Society I joined failed me and I honestly had no clue as to what I’d signed myself up for. There’s no adjective to describe the magnitude of disappointment, devastation, and depression I’ve felt while trying to navigate the journey of being a newlywed.
I am writing to tell the recently committed, engaged, and married person out there who has been bombarded with real life while trying to begin a new life with the person they love that you will have days you question your decision to enter into marriage with the person you love. You will also have days when you ask yourself, “Is this really my life?” However, with time, meditation, prayer and self-discovery you will realize that your marriage will not look, feel or function like anyone else’s and the hiccups that annoyingly arise at the most inopportune times are simply growing pains.
I invite you to wait and see how the negatives currently processing in the Dark Room develop!